[Satire] NCAA Considers Ban on Hostile Animal Mascots

NCAA Considers Ban on Hostile Animal Mascots
by Scott Ott

(2005-08-06) -- The National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) today said it would consider a proposal by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) to ban teams from using 'hostile' animal mascots during its sports tournaments. The NCAA imposed a similar ban on teams with American Indian names this week.

'Hostile animal mascots reinforce species stereotypes,' according to the PETA proposal. 'When children see snarling lions, tigers and bears--even if they're just perky men wearing fur suits with gigantic foam heads--it creates prejudice against wild creatures which justifies continued discrimination and oppression. The emotional toll on these sentient beings is devastating.'

An NCAA spokesman said the organization will also consider a resolution at its next meeting to eliminate team names and mascots altogether, and to identify each collegiate sports team by a randomly-generated 27-digit number." -- Scott Ott / ScrappleFace