Robertson: Ignorant Remarks Caused by God’s Wrath

(Satire) — Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson, who yesterday told viewers that God’s wrath spurred Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s massive stroke, today said his own “ignorant remarks are another manifestation of God’s anger.”

The popular TV personality said God punished Mr. Sharon, 77, for dividing the land that God gave to the Israelites, and that Mr. Robertson’s own periodic claims to know the Lord’s motivation behind specific events are part of God’s judgment on the OOFAmerican church.

“If Christians would read the Bible, instead of just watching TV, they would understand that people who claim to know exactly why God does what He does are usually false teachers,” said Mr. Robertson. “God disciplines American Christians for their willful ignorance of the Scriptures by having me embarrass them every 60 days or so with another ridiculous remark.”

Mr. Robertson said that God had judged Ariel Sharon by making him “old and morbidly obese” and thus a high risk for cardio-vascular problems.

“It’s like a lightning bolt from heaven,” he said." -- Scott Ott/ScrappleFace

And God has also judged Pat Robertson by giving him a terminal case of Hoof in Mouth disease !

Just when you thought Pat Robertson couldn't possibly break new ground in the annals of idiocy, the Christian broadcaster declared that Israeli Prime Minister Sharon's stroke was brought on by the wrath of God. Speaking on "The 700 Club," Robertson...
Speaking on "The 700 Club," Robertson said, "God considers this land to be his. You read the Bible and he says 'This is my land,' and for any prime minister of Israel who decides he is going to carve it up and give it away, God says, 'No, this is mine.' ... He was dividing God's land. And I would say, 'Woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course to appease the E.U., the United Nations or the United States of America.' God says, 'This land belongs to me. You better leave it alone.'"

Need we say more???