Saddam & Bin Laden Concede Missteps in War

To provide you a satirical perspective on the Tony Blair / George Bush love fest yesterday, satirist Scott Ott braved the hills of Pakistan and the cold damp jail cells of Baghdad to bring us this joint newscast on the day after the British/US press conference.

(2006-05-26) — Riding the crest of high approval ratings, al Qaeda mastermind Usama Bin Laden and former Iraqi President Saddam Hussein today nevertheless acknowledged that they had made mistakes in prosecuting the war against the ‘war on terror’.

The confessions come a day after President George Bush and British Prime Minister Tony Blair made contrite statements at a joint news conference about their own wartime leadership.

Mr. Hussein said he regrets some of his “tough talk” in the past and the famous image of him brandishing a shotgun. He also admitted to having second thoughts about putting his political opponents through a meat grinder after torturing them.

Speaking in a subdued, almost chastened manner, the former Iraqi dictator said, “I learned some lessons about expressing myself maybe in a little more sophisticated manner.”

Mr. Bin Laden, in a newly-released audiotape, said that despite capturing the hearts and minds of American journalists, he’s concerned that his claim of responsibility for the 9/11 terror attacks might be viewed by some people as arrogance or bragging.

“I’m only partially responsible for the success of the martyrdom operation,” he said, “I should have directed more attention to the little people…or perhaps, more accurately, to the little pieces of people. As the saying goes, there is no ‘i’ in ‘team’.”

Still, both leaders said that despite their personal errors, they’re pleased with the progress of the war.

“When our jihadists confront U.S. soldiers, our men are usually killed,” said Mr. Bin Laden, “and when they attack civilian women and children, our suicide bombers (peace be upon them) are almost always killed. So, as you can see, the battle is going quite well.”" -- satirical report by Scott Ott / ScrappleFace