Edwards Launches 2008 Presidential Campaign

ScrappleFace »

(2006-12-28) — With just 23 months before the next presidential election, former Sen. John Edwards, D-NC, announced today that he would seek the Democrat nomination for president in 2008, 2012 and 2016, but refused to comment on his plans for 2020.

“Americans are looking for a candidate with experience running for president,” said an unnamed campaign spokesman. “In 2018, when John Edwards is 65, he’ll have spent 16 years seeking the office and have four campaigns under his belt. We think that will position him well for victory in 2020.”

While the candidate sought to deflect questions about his longterm plans, the anonymous source said Mr. Edwards would file papers with the Federal Election Commission next week forming a 2020 presidential exploratory committee.

The Edwards ‘08-12-16 campaign timed today’s announcement to coincide with this week’s death of former President Gerald Ford, “another great, and handsome, man who was never elected to the White House.”

In launching his campaign in front of a federally-funded trailer of a hurricane Katrina victim in New Orleans, Mr. Edwards recalled his 2004 stump speech in which he frequently said there are “two Americas.”

“Since 2004, I have learned a lot,” said Mr. Edwards. “I think history and geography have proved me right. If you look at the map, there are in fact two Americas — North America and South America.”

The former vice presidential candidate quoted the Pledge of Allegiance to the Flag, saying America must overcome racial and socioeconomic prejudices to unite as “one nation, underprivileged, indivisible, with subsidy and justice for all.” -- Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

No doubt John Kerry is much easier on the eyes than Hillary or Barack Hussein Obama... He may turn out to be the one Democratic candidate with the best shot at gathering the centrist vote and have a real shot at the White House in 2008! (As long as he can keep his distance from Kerry and Kennedy, that is!) He's sure to pick up at least the portion of the young female 18+ vote that think with parts of their anatomy other than their brains. We suppose there are worse leadership selection processes, take the last Presidential election for instance.

Tags: parody, politics, sarcasm, satire, zz