ScrappleFace Satire: Bush Tests New Words for Social Security Reform

Let's give credit where credit is due. In the following article Scott Ott out does himself illustrating the linguistic precision of GWB and his recent use of town meetings to recast his vision for Social Security. Scott makes several subtle comments on our confused society.

(2005-03-22) -- President George Bush, frustrated by polls which show Americans don't understand his Social Security reform proposals and by Democrats who pronounce the term 'privatize' as if it meant 'poison,' has begun seasoning his standard stump speech with new terminology in an effort to find words more palatable to progressive voters.

'We need to hybridize Social Security,' Mr. Bush told an audience in Seattle this week, hoping the association with the ubiquitous gasoline-electric cars would help his case. 'My hybridization plan is the perfect blend of market forces and USSR-style centralized government planning. None of your money will actually be in your hands. But we'll dictate a few investment choices for you, so you can have feeling of control without the full risk or benefit.'

At the next tour stop, Mr. Bush told a town hall meeting, 'We need to euthanize Social Security. It's about 70 years old now, and it's getting in the way of the hopes and dreams of the next generation. It's an inconvenience. We won't kill it. We're just going to stop feeding it so it can peacefully fade away.'

At an all-female college, the president said, 'I'm pro-choice on Social Security. I support a woman's right to choose her retirement investments. In Roe v. Wade, the Supreme Court discovered your Constitutional right to privacy. If what you do with your fetus is private, why should the federal government dictate what you do with your nest egg?'

At a gathering in San Francisco, Mr. Bush called his plan a 'happy marriage' between personal and government-controlled accounts.

'If you love your money,' he said. 'Then don't let the government limit your freedom to express that love in anyway that seems right to you." - Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

If you have not checked out ScrappleFace, you should add it to your RSS reader. Scott is a satirical master! Read some of the hysterical comments at his site. -- zzb