Al Qaeda Surrenders Under Pressure from Democrat Pull-Out Bill

(BAGHDAD) — Al Qaeda in Iraq today announced it would cease all martyrdom operations, bombings, kidnappings and attacks on U.S. and Iraqi forces just a day after the Democrat-controlled U.S. Senate sent a bill to President George Bush that sets a timeline for withdrawal from Iraq.

“Under orders from our supreme ruler, Usama bin Laden, we announce our complete surrender and ask for mercy from our triumphant conquerors,” said an unnamed spokesman on a prerecorded audio statement released on al-Jazeera and CNN. “We are defenseless in the face of the Democrats’ aggressive pull-out schedule — Allah be praised.”

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi plan a trip to Baghdad next week to receive the surrender documents from an al-Qaeda emissary who has committed to meeting them in a public marketplace for the historic ceremony." -- as reported by Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

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