Bin Laden Feasting with Virgins or Burning in Hell?

Bert wants to know! Could Osama bin Laden be feasting with virgins or burning in hell alongside that sulfur smell detected at the U.N. podium last week? Could the world of infidels be so lucky that Osama bin Laden has been smitten by the will of Allah taking the form of typhoid fever? If so you can thank the relentless coalition forces and GW and Tony Blair bloodhounding him into dark stank caves. The epitome of irony is that the lowest lifeform on the planet, Osama bin Laden, may have been taken out by the second lowest lifeform, the Salmonella Typhi bacterium. Maybe due to a bad chicken salad sandwich? Hopefully he died in a filthy cave invested with vermin and swine. We expect more on this story as our satirical reporters begin to pound the cyber beat for more breaking news..!

TIME.com: Is Bin Laden Dead? -- Page 1: "Fugitive Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden, believed to be on the run in rugged terrain in the Afghan-Pakistani border region since the September 11 attacks five years ago, has become seriously ill and may have already died, a Saudi source tells TIME, echoing earlier reports in the French media.

The source, speaking on condition of anonymity, says that Saudi officials have received multiple credible reports over the last several weeks that Bin Laden has been suffering from a water-borne illness. The source believes that there is a 'high probability' that Bin Laden has already died from the disease, but stressed that Saudi officials have thus far received no concrete evidence of Bin Laden's death.

'This is not a rumor,' says the source. 'He is very ill. He got a water-related sickness and it could be terminal. There are a lot of serious facts about things that have actually happened. There is a lot to it. But we don't have any concrete information to say that he is dead.'" More...

Tags: terrorism, al-qaeda, middle-east, world-news, ZZ News and Satire