ZardozZ News and Satire: Source of Terrorism Revealed

Another great report from Scott Ott who postulates the utter lunacy behind negotiating with blood thirsty terrorists as some would have you believe.

ScrappleFace::

(2006-09-25) — A newly-leaked top-secret National Intelligence Estimate (NIE) from April 2006 reveals that America’s 16 spy agencies have finally discovered that terrorists are created by attempts to defeat terrorists.

The report concludes that recent global terrorism by Islamic fanatics was “spawned by the presence of U.S. troops in Iraq, rather than by evil, wealthy men bent on ruling the world with their hateful, pseudo-religious ideology.”

More than a dozen members of the intelligence community were interviewed for this story, but each insisted on anonymity because, as one senior CIA official said, “folks in the intel business are supposed to keep their mouths shut about classified reports, and we’d like to continue getting our fat government paychecks for essentially playing a guessing game and writing memos.”

The April NIE is a sequel to the pre-war intelligence estimate that documented Saddam Hussein’s stockpiles of chemical weapons and his clandestine nuclear program, so it is considered highly credible by those who oppose the Bush administration’s current Iraq policy.

“Bush operates on the flawed assumption that you can defeat terrorists in Iraq and elsewhere by killing them,” said one unnamed expert familiar with the report, “but, in fact, we’ve learned that killing them actually creates them. It’s like that broomstick scene from The Sorcerer’s Apprentice‘. You chop one in half and then you’ve got two crazy animated broomsticks.”

The source said that CIA decryption analysts are now convinced that “the solution to stopping global terrorism lies in finding the ’secret word’ to break the spell and to turn these anti-Western, anti-Semitic, blood-thirsty religious fanatics into our partners in peace.”

The intelligence sources contacted for this story all refused to comment on the genesis of the terrorists who repeatedly attacked civilian and military targets in the decades leading up to the second Iraq war.

“That’s not relevant to the current debate,” said one analyst. “It’s important that we not become distracted by historical perspective. --- satritical reporter Scott Ott/ScrappleFace”

Satire aside, one has to wonder about the effectiveness of a diplomatic process that sees Israel and Palestine still at each other's throats after six decades of U. N. resolutions. Did you note how quicly Hamas dismissed President Abbas of Palistine's remarks and assertions to President Bush as he promised to GWB that Hamas would eventually recognize the Israel state this past week? U.N. diplomacy is an utter joke and it should be evicted from poluting the shores of the United States since the countless BILLIONS of dollars in aid over the years to developing nations has all but been forgotted by the Chavez crazed third world.

These ingrate radical 3rd world leaders are slapping us across our faces while our tax dollars over the years, and the wealth we have built as a nation under the principles of tolerace and individual freedom, is being exploited, and corrupted I might add, by the likes of the Hugo Chavez's of the world. Gratitude...? Maybe during the 60's or even 70's. Today? Please... it has all been conviently forgotten. If there was ever a major humanitarian disaster in Venezuala, or any Latin American nation, the U.S. would be the first to respond. Billions have been provided in aid and business opportunites. Now... with this guy in power seeking to spread his venom in Latin America? The ovation for Hugo Chavez speaks volumes. It's often said, "No good turn goes unpunished." We hope our Latin American friends all find the courage to rise up and overthrow this raving, Castro wanna be, lunatic. Not for America but for themselves and their own freedom !!