Bush, Democrats Restate Anti-Terror Strategies

(WASHINGTON) — In response to a Bush administration restatement today of the U.S. strategy for fighting the so-called ‘war on terror’, leading Congressional Democrats released a report reaffirming their party’s approach to “dealing with the causes of the hatred and intolerance that lead to acts of terrorism.”

In a 48-page draft of the new “National Security Strategy of the United States,” the White House remains committed to fostering democracy by opening more McDonald’s restaurants on the Arab Street and persuading Al Jazeera to carry the primetime lineup from ‘Nick at Nite.’ While committed to global diplomacy first, President George Bush reserves the right to “preemptively and repeatedly mispronounce the name of a foreign dictator until it causes regime change.”

Meanwhile, Senators John Kerry and Harry Reid, along with Representatives Nancy Pelosi and John Murtha, said their commitment to the Democrat anti-terror strategy remains “rock solid.”

The first 1,474 pages of the alternative Democrat report focus on “how the Bush administration has bungled the war on terror in everything from eavesdropping on innocent Americans to failing to catch the tallest man in Afghanistan.”

The final page lays out “the consistent, unwavering strategy that Democrats have endorsed since the days when presidential candidate John F. Kerry first said, ‘I have a plan’.”

“Above all, we’re determined to discover why terrorists hate us,” according to the report which will have a catchy title within the next few months. “If we can pinpoint the cause of their hatred, we can pass laws to become less threatening to them.”

The report concludes that “No one is better equipped to reveal what’s wrong with America than the modern Democrat party.”" -- Scott Ott / ScrappleFace