Preemptive Redeployment to Iran, Syria Says Bush

(WASHINGTON-SATIRE) — Just days before the Iraq Study Group releases its top-secret report, President George Bush today ordered the Pentagon to preemptively redeploy U.S. troops from Iraq to “neutral neighboring countries including Iran and Syria.”

“I’ve said that I won’t order our troops to make a graceful exit from Iraq,” said Mr. Bush, “But I never ruled out making a graceful entrance into Iran and Syria where I expect our partners in peace to welcome us with open and raised arms.”

The order surprised many, coming as it does on the heels of news that the Pentagon has discovered “smoking gun” evidence that terrorists in Iraq use weapons shipped from Iranian factories to kill U.S. troops and others.

But Mr. Bush said the Iraq Study Group, Kofi Annan and other Democrats have convinced him that engagement with Iran and Syria is crucial to finding a “holistic solution” to the Iraq situation.

“At the very least,” said Mr. Bush, “Redeploying our troops to Iran should help Iranian weapons manufacturers save some money on shipping.”" -- Scott Ott / ScrappleFace