Al Gore Doesn't Exhale

(2007-03-21) — Oscar-winning filmmaker Al Gore, testifying Wednesday before a Congressional panel on global warming, revealed a little-known technique he has used for years to reduce his personal greenhouse gas emissions.

“I don’t exhale, and I haven’t since about 1991,” said the full-figured Mr. Gore. “Science shows there’s nothing wrong with humans breathing per se, it’s just the exhaling of carbon dioxide that threatens to bring our world to a premature, fiery, water-drenched apocalyptic end.”

Mr. Gore, still a Democrat party favorite to win the White House in the year 2000, said he also reduces his so-called “carbon footprint” by giving speeches and making movies to convince other people to cut their greenhouse gas production, thereby offsetting the emissions generated by his own global travel in private jets as well as SUVs and limousines.

“Leveraging the small efforts of millions of ordinary people is a very democratic way of achieving carbon-neutrality,” Mr. Gore said.

“It’s a team effort,” he added, while displaying a Powerpoint slide of the acronym: TEAM = Together Everyone Atones for Me.--- Hat Tip: Scott Ott

Tags: off-beat, politics, sarcasm, satire, zz