British Invasion of Iran Thwarted

(Tehran) — Faye Turney, one of 15 British sailors and marines held hostage by Iran, confessed today that her group had not accidentally strayed into Iranian waters, as she had previously admitted, but were actually mounting an invasion of the Islamic Republic.

“On direct orders from Prime Minister Tony Blair,” said Ms. Turney, “my mates and I were about to hit the beaches in southwestern Iran. From there our orders were to drive directly to the heart of Tehran and raise the Union Jack, claiming Iran as a British colony.”

The confession, contained in a note to her Mum, also indicated that the 15 British seapersons were “eager to reclaim the heathen land of Persia for the Christians and Jews.” -- Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

This will go down in military annals as one of the worst botched British air-sea-land invasions in the history of the British Empire. It rivals that of the U.S. invasion of Iran in 1979, when 52 Americans embassy workers, acting alone of course, botched their invasion mission which lead to their capture by Islamic Republic Hostage Defense Forces. It was only after heroic the shock and awe of the massive military might called up and deployed by the then Commander-in-Chief, President Jimmy Carter in mission Desert One, did we as a nation come to our senses and gave penance and restitution for the egregious transgressions of these 52 misguided invaders.

Tony Blair must now learn from Jimmy Carter. Be prepared to go in with your guns blazing and choppers falling out of the sky without their engine intake dust protectors. Don't forget to make sure your choppers are ill equipped for desert warfare and whatever you do, don't be too too aggressive. Otherwise you too may become humbled by the Iranian military. --- ed.

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