Applying for Illegal Alienship

Illegal Alien Drivers Licenses? Not yet, but who knows, maybe one day soon?

We received a copy of the letter below from one of our subscribers today (source unknown) and decided to reprint it here based primarily on the intrinsic merits of it's basic sarcastic content. It is rumored to have been actually sent to Sen. Sarbanes (D-MD) in response to his recent congressional vote on the growing phenomenon of illegal alien rights. Or better know as the process of of acquiring Illegal Alienship or Alienization as we like to call it. [Hat tip: Meggit33]

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue
Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the
Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for
becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to
illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate
and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is
accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five
years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and
income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I
see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone
figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes
every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of
taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can
apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result
for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency
room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying
premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost
$10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that
my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law
school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many
colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden
of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance
premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college
age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal
(retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be
most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Fences? We don't need no stinking fences!!

Tags: sarcasm, politics, zz