ZardozZ News and Satire: 08/01/2006

Uranus Is Under Scrutiny

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Hoisting the Mexican flag at a US Post Office

If this don't beat all. Where is the main stream media on this one?? Hoisting a Mexican flag over an American federal institution! Michelle Malkin has photos on her site today.

When is this country going to get serious about the illegal immigration issue? We are being played like a fiddle!

This has gotten zero attention in the MSM. Over the weekend, militant illegal alien activists marched onto a post office station in Maywood, Calif., and replaced the American flag with a Mexican flag while chanting anti-American epithets. Yup, here we go again. Remember this spring?

Journalists Forced to Convert to Islam at Gunpoint

If this doesn't open up the eyes of the western world I suspect nothing will. Does anyone still have any doubts regarding the radical Islamo-facist agenda? Religious tolerance is a concept that does not exist among these barbaric neanderthals as radical imams have perverted any sense of co-existance with western culture. These are the same relgious fanatic concepts that were alive and well in the 15th century as Christianity was exported to North and South America by the sanctimonius Europeans. The radical Islamic world simply missed their opportunity by 600 years.

Independent Online Edition > Middle East:

Palestinian security officials said they had known the identity of the kidnappers from the start. The Popular Resistance Committees, an alliance of Palestinian fighters, claimed to have mediated the journalists' release.

Mr Centanni said their ordeal ended with their forced conversion to Islam at gunpoint. "It was something we felt we had to do because they had the guns and we didn't know what the hell was going on," he said.

After being ambushed in a side street on 14 August, they were blindfolded and handcuffed and driven from place to place in a series of vans. "That night, we were put in the back seat of a Volkswagen, blindfolded, our heads pushed down between our knees so that we couldn't see where we were going and drove about 10 minutes," he said. "Then we heard a garage door rattling open. We were taken out of the car with our hands handcuffed behind us and herded into this garage."

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Bush: B-2 Flights Over Tehran for ‘Peaceful Purposes’

Scott Ott turns in a satirical report today regarding the "peaceful purposes" of Iran's nuclear program. According to Scott, GW has answered back with his on perspectives on B2 fly overs in the near future.

ScrappleFace:

(2006-08-26) — Just hours after Iran opened a new plant capable of making plutonium “for peaceful purposes”, U.S. President George Bush assured his Iranian counterpart that any B-2 bombers that appear over Tehran in the near future would also serve peaceful purposes.

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad cut the ribbon on the new heavy-water nuclear plant Saturday as part of a month-long Iranian tribute to the effectiveness of the United Nations.

Mr. Bush hailed Iran’s “transparent diplomacy” and said, “I called President Ahmadinejad today to congratulate him, and I told him that if he happens to notice one of them Stealth bombers going over his town at about 600 miles per hour, he can be assured that the pilot has only the best intentions in his heart for world peace.”

“There’s nothing like the B-2 when it comes to giving peace a chance,” Mr. Bush added. -- as reported by satirist Scott Ott / ScrappleFace

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Kofi Annan: Troops Not to Disarm Hezbollah

AP News:

JERUSALEM -
Israel said Saturday it was encouraging some Muslim countries to send peacekeepers to southern Lebanon, a contribution that would lend credibility to the heavily European force.

EU nations pledged 6,900 troops Friday, dispelling concerns that the peacekeeping force might not materialize because of reluctance to send troops without clear instructions or authorization to use their weapons.

But the force was still far short of the 15,000 troops envisioned under a resolution that stopped a month of fighting between Israel and the Islamic Hezbollah guerrillas...

U.N. Secretary-General
Kofi Annan stressed Friday it was not the peacekeepers' task to strip the guerrillas of their weapons, saying that was an issue for Lebanon's government and "cannot be done by force."

"The troops are not going there to disarm Hezbollah. Let's be clear about that," he said.

Regev reiterated Israel would not lift its air and sea embargo of Lebanon until peacekeepers take positions along the Syrian border to block arms shipments to Hezbollah from its two main supporters,
Iran and
Syria.

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CNN.com to Replay 9/11 Attacks Coverage

CNN to air thier previous 9/11 coverage!!

CNN will mark the fifth anniversary of the Sept. 11 attacks by replaying on the Internet the cable network's coverage of that day's events.

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What do you think about this decision by CNN Executives??? Do you feel it is exploitive to boost subscribers??? Or is their another agenda at work here.

For the day, CNN will make its online video service, CNN Pipeline, available for free. Normally, viewers pay $2.95 a month or $24.95 a year for four separate video feeds.

Online viewers will be able to watch live reports of memorial services through one of the feeds. So that viewers won't accidentally stumble upon graphic footage from 2001, the replay feed will be covered with a notice instructing users to click only if they want to watch...

We think it is down right appauling and keeping in the tradition of Mrs. CNN, Jane "Hanoi" Fonda Turner. What do you think? Is this decision an exploitive attempt by CNN to cash in on increasing their on line subscription $$'s or a respectful memorial tribute?? You tell us!

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Sorry To Inconvience You

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Iran's President Opens Heavy-Water Plant - RADIO FREE EUROPE / RADIO LIBERTY

Radio Free Europe:

August 26, 2006 -- Iranian President Mahmud Ahmadinejad today opened a heavy-water plant intended to fuel a nuclear research reactor that is currently under construction.

The ceremony took place at the Khondab plant near the city of Arak, some 200 kilometers southwest of Tehran.

Ahmadinejad said that his country's controversial nuclear program poses no threat to any other country, even Israel, "which is a definite enemy."

But he warned that the Iranian people would defend its rights to nuclear technology "with force."

The reactor, which could produce plutonium for use in making nuclear weapons, is scheduled to be opened in 2009.

Foreign Ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi said that "inaugurating the heavy-water-production plant in Arak is a big step toward using Iran's right, which means achieving peaceful nuclear technology."

The inauguration of the plant comes just days before the UN Security Council's August 31 deadline for Iran to halt uranium enrichment.

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Teens Legally Nude In Vermont

"What began as a lark or an ode to youthful exuberance has now turned into a municipal quandary, because public nudity is permissible in Brattleboro." Rebellious teenagers have taken to disrobing in public parking lots to sunbathe or spontaneously disrobe on a whim. Hopefully this trend will spread through the rest of the US soon.

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Little People Protest Classifying Pluto as ‘Dwarf Planet’

ScrappleFace:

(2006-08-25) — Just days after an international astronomy organization re-classified Pluto as a ‘dwarf planet‘, an association of dwarf astronomers today called on the scientific community to use the term “little planet” instead.

Dwarfism is a medical condition, but most of those who have it prefer to be called ‘little people‘ rather than dwarfs.

“The classification of Pluto as a dwarf planet perpetuates stereotypes and reinforces the historical insensitivity of over-sized astronomers,” said an unnamed source, who noted the popularity of terms like white dwarf, red dwarf, brown dwarf and black dwarf, which refer to kinds of stars.

In related news, a group of black astronomers this week petitioned the International Astronomical Union to change a term which describes the substance thought to make up most of the universe from ‘dark matter‘ to ‘black matter.’

“It’s archaic and somewhat offensive to say ‘dark matter’,” according to an unnamed group spokesman, who added that the term ‘African matter’ was also considered, but rejected as “too Earth-centric and provincial.” -- satirical reporting by Scott Ott/ScrappleFace

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US thinks of sticking RFID chips inside troops

The Florida company which makes implanted RFID chips is lobbying the US government to stick them under the skin of 1.4 million US soldiers. According to the DC Examiner, VeriChip is hoping to convince the Pentagon to allow them to insert the chips under the skin of the right arms of military personnel instead of the traditional dog tags!

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Racial ‘Survivor’ to Air Instead of Religious Battle

ScrappleFace:

(2006-08-24) — Sources close to the producers of TV’s Survivor said the upcoming ‘Cook Islands‘ contest among racially-segregated teams of Blacks, Whites, Hispanics and Asians will be shown in place of another concept that had to be aborted during early video production.

The unfinished season, dubbed Survivor: Jihad, had pitted religiously-segregated ‘tribes’ of Sunni, Shia, Jews and Christians against each other, but the production ended prematurely with no survivors at all.

By the close of the first episode, only the Muslims remained, according to sources, and they were all eliminated in episode two after what witnesses described as “a bizarre series of coconut martyrdom operations.”

“We felt the outcome really would have damaged the concept of our franchise,” said an unnamed source close to the show. “It’s one of those ripped-from-the-headlines ideas that seemed brilliant during our brainstorming session, but perhaps it was a bit too edgy, or simply a little ahead of its time.”

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UN Offers Talks with 12th Imam

Once again we are relieved to hear from Scott Ott over a ScrappleFace that Kofi Annan has summoned all his intellectual prowess to broker strategic talks between the U.N. Security Council and the new 12th Imam, the "Hidden Imam" if you will, who according to Islamic Shia prophesy, has made it to the world scene this past Aug 22nd. We all hope and expect the talks to lead to lasting world peace as Kofi teaches us all how to bow to Mecca in the prescribed format to fullfil Islamic Shia prophesies. We bet you just can't wait to enjoy all the new found tolerance for the current variety of world religions this joyous day of Aug 22nd and the arrival of the new 12th Imam from "hiding" will be bringing to our humble world.

Oh... what a screwed up life form we are on this planet!!

ScrappleFace:

(2006-08-22) — As Iran’s president prepared today to reject international efforts to halt his nation’s uranium enrichment program, United Nations Secretary-General Kofi Annan rejected calls for sanctions against the Islamic Republic and offered direct negotiations with the long-awaited 12th Imam.

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has spoken of the prophesied 12th or ‘Hidden’ Imam, who is to usher in the end of the world. Many believe he would return on August 22, the alleged anniversary of the night flight of the prophet Muhammad on the winged horse Buraq, first to Jerusalem, then to heaven and back (Koran XVII.1).

Mr. Annan said he believes that “direct negotiations with the Hidden Imam can defuse all of this talk of the end of the world, which I’m confident is nothing more than a bargaining chip.”

In any case, the world’s end is expected to have little effect on the work of the United Nations, according to Mr. Annan.

“The U.N. will continue to be just as effective at resolving conflicts and ensuring world peace as it was before the end of the world,” he said. -- reported by satirical columnist Scott Ott/ScrappleFace

Does the Iranian leader, who we have all come to know and love, perhaps believe he is in fact that reincarnation or an instrument of his will?? Is "he", (and you can bet your burqa the 12th Imam is a "he"), the "out of the closet" Imam for the 21st Century we have been longing for?? (Along with every other messianic figure on the historical scene?) Something further to ponder as the U.N. tries to figure out what to make of President Amahdejhan's response to UN 6 member document ...

In Tehran, the Iranian nuclear negotiator, Ali Larijani, delivered a document containing the rejection to representatives of the six countries leading the diplomacy on the crisis. Several diplomats and journalists who saw the 23-page document reported that Iranian officials wrote they would not freeze enrichment activities, which they believe are their "inherent right."

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Conservatives ask FBI to Investigate Hotel Porn

Pornographic movies now seem nearly as pervasive in America's hotel rooms as tiny shampoo bottles, and the lodging industry shows little concern as conservative activists rev up a protest campaign aimed at triggering a federal crackdown.

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Carrot and Nuke

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Gone Fishing!

We will not be posting between 21JAUG and 23AUG. Have fun exploring our other OpenWeb sites, Forums, Digital Download sections and our ever expanding OpenRing blogring!!!

We plan to back on Wednesday... Enjoy -- ZZ

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UN Threatens Use of Excessive Force

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Ford Recalls All SUVs Built Between 1996-2000

Bong Satire::

Ford Recalls All SUVs Built Between 1996-2000

DETROIT — Ford Motor Company is fondly recalling all of the SUVs that helped it turn a healthy profit during the second half of the 1990s due to a cruise control malfunction that can ignite the steering column. Executives for the American automaker, which has been struggling lately with net operating losses and a surplus of inventory, were both nostalgic and melancholy when discussing the vehicles during a conference call yesterday with financial analysts.

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France:The Army That Only Goes Where It's Safe

lgf: :

Before committing troops to the Lebanon ceasefire they championed at the United Nations, France wants safety guarantees. True to form... What more can you expect from the nation that taught the world the real meaning of appeasement.

The intial committment was for 15,000 French troops to lead the UN peace keeping force. You may recall France, who makes every effort to appease radical Islam and create the impression that they are in solidarity with hezboulah "anti-zionist" agenda, had brokered the "cease fire".

Despite expectations that France would provide the bulk of a planned 15,000 strong UN force, Paris said Thursday it would send 200 troops to reinforce the UN mission in Lebanon.

While it said France was prepared to command the enlarged force, it also called for safety guarantees for its soldiers before making further commitments.

UPDATE at 8/18/06 10:29:45 am:

Another jawdropper from French defense minister Michele Alliot-Marie:

Alliot-Marie said troop contributions to the expanded UNIFIL force should come from a great number of countries, both in Europe and the Muslim world.

“What we must absolutely avoid is giving the image of a Western world imposing peace on the Muslim world,” she said.

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UN Military Might

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N. Korea Preparing Nuclear Test?

lgf: :

ABC News reports that North Korea appears to be preparing for a nuclear test. (Hat tip: LGF readers.)

Aug. 17, 2006 — There is new evidence that North Korea may be preparing for an underground test of a nuclear bomb, U.S. officials tell ABC News.

“It is the view of the intelligence community that a test is real possibility,” says a senior State Department official.

A senior military official tells ABC News that a U.S. intelligence agency has recently observed “suspicious vehicle movement” at a suspected North Korean test site.

The activity includes the unloading of large reels of cable outside an underground facility called Pungyee-yok in northeast North Korea. Cables can be used in nuclear testing to connect an underground test site to outside observation equipment. The intelligence was brought to the attention of the White House last week.

Even before this most recent intelligence, there has been growing concern within the U.S. government that North Korea is moving toward a nuclear test. North Korea is believed to have enough nuclear material to build as many as a dozen nuclear bombs, but it has never tested one. A successful test would remove any doubt that North Korea is a nuclear power.

“What does he have to lose?” asked one senior military official, referring to North Korean leader Kim Jong Il.

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Hottest Hoax Around

Mark Fiore takes aim at the greenhouse effect nay sayers in his newest animated cartoon released today. It's the Hottest Hoax Around which by all accounts is directed to the millions of people on the planet who have there heads firmly emplanted in the sand.

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Is Bush An Idiot?

Ok --- so we have always known he is not the sharpest tack in the draw. I suspect even he knows that. But after viewing these clips, even the staunchest Republican will have to concede that there are clearly a few synapses misfiring when GWB steps in front of a camera.

Once there were Yogi'isms, coined in honor of the gems that would spring forth from the golden mouth of catcher great and baseball Hall of Famer Yogi Berra. Now we have Bush'isms, a presidential legacy in film, which is certainly destined to be a centerpiece in the Hall of Presidents at Disney World Orlando, entertaining visitors from every walk of life for years to come.

via MSNBC & You Tube:

MSNBC's Joe Scarborough presents a highlight reel featuring classic Bushisms and poses the obvious question: "Is Bush an idiot?" Watch the video and you be the judge.

Should we also run a poll to get an answer to Joe Scarborough's question?

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World backs off disarming Hezbollah

No surprises here! Any doubt Israel screwed the pooch on this one? That's what Olmert gets for listening to the advice of GW. We suspect this disagreement will lead to massive issues concerning the second resolution which called for disarmament, once again validating the impotence of the United Nations -- or perhaps better termed the UUN. Un-United Nations. Please... evict that damn institution off the shores of the U.S.

National Post:

WASHINGTON - The countries tasked with upholding the shaky truce in Lebanon appeared unwilling on Tuesday to force the disarmament of Hezbollah, a development that has threatened to add delays to the assembly of a massive United Nations peacekeeping force and that could ultimately set off fresh conflict in the region.

France, the United States, the UN and Lebanon itself have all refused to accept responsibility for stripping the fighters of their weapons, despite a key element of the UN resolution that calls for the group to give up its firepower and vacate southern areas of Lebanon.

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U.N. Mulls Cease Fire in War on Terror Too

Satirical stab at the insanity that is the U.N. Scott Ott, satirical reporter extrodonair has learned that GWB will ask the UN Security Council to declare a similar victory over Al Qaeda and the War on Terrorism in general. "That should really help out the Grand Old Party in November!"

ScrappleFace:

(2006-08-15) — Now that President George Bush has declared Hezbollah defeated by its acceptance of the terms of a U.N. cease fire in Lebanon, the United States today will press the Security Council to grant it a similar ‘victory’ over al Qaeda.

The U.S. proposal would call for “an end to the violence” between al Qaeda and its enemies around the world, including the U.S., and the creation of a 15-mile buffer zone, manned by U.N. troops, around every nation that al Qaeda chief Usama bin Laden wishes to destroy.

Like this week’s agreement that brought “a just and lasting peace” between Israel and Hezbollah, the ‘War on Terror Cease Fire’ proposal will allow al Qaeda to keep its weapons and supply channels intact, and to escape punishment for its previous acts of aggression and murder.

“This will teach the Islamic terrorists a lesson,” according to an unnamed State Department source who worked through the night crafting a resolution acceptable to both al Qaeda and its enemies. “If you attack us, kidnap our soldiers, blow up our towns and murder our people, you will pay a price. These cease fires will cause significant delays in the radical Muslims’ plan to rule the world. It’s a major hassle for them that sends a clear signal.”

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BlogSoldiers Makes a Frontal Assault

Today BlogSoldiers has announced a new campaign by it's new owner, John Bambenek, owner of Pentex Net, Inc., to increase membership with some great new promotional offers. If you are a member you will want to check those out! In addition... we suspect BlogSoldiers is planning to give BlogExplosion a run for it's money in the coming months.

Competition is a good thing and we are sure it will only benefit the blogging community who are in search of increasing their readership so we are happy to spread the word. They have a Surfing Contest for the month of August underway, the Top 10 surfers will receive up to 500 credits for having the most pages surfed between Aug 15 and Aug 31. Top surfer gets 500, 2nd gets 250, 3rd 150, 4th and 5th get 100, 6th-10th get 50.

If you are not signed up on BlogSoldiers now might be a good time to do it !!! Here are some intro splach pages suited for all blogging personalities... 70's Rockers , Trailer Trash? , Straight Laced Business Mama == the sarcastic dumb ass descriptions for these splash pages are our own :) Peace... -- ZZ

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Hillary 2008?

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Satire: Iran Cracks Down on Iranian President's Blog

As part of its ongoing crackdown on internal dissent, the Islamic Republic of Iran today briefly shut down a weblog recently launched by Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

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Hezbollah Fires 250 Rockets Into Israel

ABC News: :

JERUSALEM Aug 13, 2006 (AP)— Hezbollah fired more than 250 rockets into Israel on Sunday, the fiercest attack against northern Israel since the fighting began more than a month ago, the Israeli army reported. One Israeli man was killed.

After a stormy debate Sunday, Israel's Cabinet approved a Mideast cease-fire, agreeing to silence the army's guns in less than 24 hours. The Israeli military and Hezbollah both embarked on a last-minute barrage, trying to inflict as much damage as possible before the cease-fire began.
The 24-0 Israeli Cabinet vote, with one abstention, came a day after the Lebanese government approved the agreement and Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah gave his grudging consent. The truce was to take effect Monday morning. [1 AM EDT].

But questions as to the truce's durability quickly arose Sunday, when the Lebanese Cabinet canceled a critical meeting that was supposed to discuss the deployment of 15,000 troops to southern Lebanon, a key part of the cease-fire deal. Published reports said the Cabinet had been sharply divided over demands that Hezbollah surrender its weapons.

We are speculating that the sudden cancellation of the Lebanese cabinet meeting that was to have taken place today may in fact be due to significant rifts forming within the Lebanese government and may be signaling a collapse of the newly established democratic nation. No doubt the central issue is whether or not to permit multi-national troops into Lebanon and to have Lebanese troops supporting the "disarmament" of Hezbolah vs. simply reducing conflict without full disarmament. We would suggest a 5% chance that this U.N. "cease fire" will have any effect at all and predict an Israeli - Syrian - Iranian conflict before the year is out.

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Huge Oil Spill Off Lebanon Threatens to Ravage Life in the Sea

A massive oil spill off the coast of Lebanon is choking marine life, polluting the air as it evaporates and threatening to produce a long-lasting ecological disaster if Israel doesn't allow cleanup crews into the sea soon, environmental officials here warned Friday.

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Insane New Version Of PONG

When I started playing level 1 I thought it was another crap flash game copying another game, but after level 1 it gets crazy adding new aspects to gameplay like gravity orbs, a pacman trying to eat the ball, and more. Its a great game try it out.

Here is a pretty radical flash game of Pong... takes some getting used to... click on "read more". If you like it... digg it!

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Counter-Terrorism: Differences Between Britain and America

The disclosure that British officials conducted months of surveillance before arresting 24 terrorism suspects this week highlighted what many terrorism specialists said was a central difference between American and British law enforcement agencies. The British, they say, are more willing to wait and watch. Yet much of the same is said of the FBI.

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Back To School

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The Universe Turned Inside Out!

This link will help you put your life in perspective. Especially if you need to expand your frame of reference regarding recent current world events :)

Cosmic Consiousness

You may find the link above mind blowing if you have never seen this before...

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Scotland Yard Dragnet Catches Pond Scum

Sources say the terror plot suspects planned a "dry run" over the next few days... One official said the suicide attackers planned to use a peroxide-based solution that could ignite when sparked by a camera flash or another electronic device.

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Bush: US is at war with Islamic fascists

Finally, GWB speaks the words, "Islamic facists", "there I said it". It is interesting to read Aljezeera's take on this phrase is just a Reuters re-post with no editorial. Hmmm... we'll have to check the editorial page.
Aljazeera:

US president George Bush has said the alleged plot to blow up transatlantic flights is a "stark reminder" the US is "at war with Islamic fascists".

Bush said that although the US was safer than before the September 11 attacks, it would be a mistake to believe there was no longer a threat.

Speaking on a visit to Green Bay in Wisconsin on Thursday, Bush said the foiled plane plot was "..a stark reminder that this nation is at war with Islamic fascists who will use any means to destroy those of us who love freedom, to hurt our nation".

"The American people need to know we live in a dangerous world, but our government will do everything we can to protect our people from those dangers," he said.

The US government heightened security on commercial flights and forbid passengers from taking liquids on board with their hand luggage.